Date 4 – Bags of expectations

I met this guy on Tinder, he had a well crafted and intelligent opening and response. Conversations on Tinder can be so tiresome and boring, it’s a rarity to have someone with actually something to say who moves the conversation on quickly to ‘lets chat – I’d like to meet you IRL’ (in real life). He asked if I’d like to visit the Tate Modern with him to see the new McQueen retrospective… be still my beating heart! The Tate is probably my most favourite place in London, I’ve always had a dream that my true love and I will be regulars there, enjoying walks along the river, admiring random artworks and discussing the meanings or lack of over wine or tea in the members lounge. So yep I sent him my number and the conversations began.

So it turns out he is separated, not quite yet divorced and has 3 children. Fine. I guess at this age I have to expect that men will have a history that comes with ‘baggage’. We all have baggage I guess – physical or emotional. I don’t have an ex-husband or children, but I’m realising that my baggage is perhaps more of an emotional one.

My expectations are my baggage. I’ve been carrying them around from teenage years. Wanting to meet that kind of man… tall, handsome, intelligent, kind, funny, loving and sensitive. The kind that your parents will love who will fit right into your family and friend circle. So many bits of luggage which pack neatly into the bag of expectations. Now that I’m in my forties and still looking for that man, most would argue that I need to drop the bag and its expectations. Is that a fair deal? Now you are older you don’t have the choice to want what you want? People say well… you’ve got to give it a go. You should just go with it, the attraction will come. There is so much more than physical attraction. Now don’t get me wrong I enjoyed my date with this man, he seems like a genuinely nice guy, a family man, someone who has taste and culture, a great job and from what I can tell is honest about his past relationship and is committed to his children – All things which I do find attractive in a man. However I didn’t find him instantly attractive, I don’t know if there is chemistry and at the end of our first date I wasn’t interested in a first kiss. I feel conflicted as I somehow feel that I have to let go of my own expectations to perhaps find the man who will be my partner. Let go of the physical side of attraction – don’t get me wrong – he’s a decent looking guy… its not that. It’s just I wasn’t feeling THAT vibe personally. I will have a second date as he was the nicest guy i’ve had a date with in a long while, and also seemed genuine.

Lets see hey!

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