So date five is a second date with the last guy I posted about… he suggested a date at a pretty swanky roof top bar, riverside in London. Yes, very nice indeed, I’m already impressed! Cocktails are flowing nicely and the live jazz singer is setting the scene, but I can’t help feel that i’m just sitting here chatting to a friend or colleague. The buzz and excitement just isn’t there. Oh how I wish it was! I think i’m being swept up with the joy of a date who is actually treating me to a nice night out and trying to impress me. Which btw feels great! It’s been so long, so many dates are so lame with their date repertoire. But Mr Law has it on lock down, he is a gentleman and the conversation is flowing but I’m not flirting – what is going on? We stay for more drinks and grab some food and he picks up the bill again – I do offer this time but he declines my contribution. Which brings me to my point of discussion… No pay – no play!
I have had countless discussions with girlfriends (and male friends) about whether a man should get the bill or should you split it or take control and just get the tab yourself… In my humble experience splitting the bill is like a little stab in the heart. If a man likes you and is looking to impress and ‘woo’ you then generally he will pay. It’s an age old way for him to assert his manhood and show you that he’s got this, he is trying to get you on his good side, he wants to treat you, he wants to show you he is in control. When he says ‘what should we do here?’ i.e. let’s split the bill, he is basically saying I don’t want to spend my money on you. This is a bitter pill to swallow, as so many men are on this tip. Now I’m not talking about teenagers and struggling 20s… we are big people now. I’m dating men in their late 30s to mid 40’s. What the fuck are they doing on a date with me if they 1. can’t afford the bill or 2. are not trying to impress me? Motherfucker, if you can’t afford the check, then take me somewhere where you can… or tell you what, till you decide, let’s do something else! Be creative… there is so much to do in London without having to sit down and have that awkward ‘oh who’s going to pay for this meal’ bullshit.
A friend recently told me about a date where the guy specifically told her before they sat down that ‘we will be splitting this’. Errr WTF! Talk about mood killer! Now I understand why she went along with it, he was fit, damn good looking even, and he came with a whole lot of ‘promise’. Now thats where the problem lies… he’s got promise. He ain’t got shit right now, as he can’t afford or does not want to split a £27 bill. You want to get into my good books and get busy, yet you do not want to spend £27 on impressing me? GTFOH! No pay – no play!
It may sound crass, but seriously if at the beginning he can’t be assed to impress you, how is it going to be further down the line? I am able to split the bill and I will always offer, but it sends a BIG signal. My date did take care of the bill and I did have a really nice evening, and I thanked him for a wonderful time. We kissed, quite a dramatic kiss on the riverbank outside the station while I waited for my uber. He was very masculine in this moment, taking control, holding my face and pressing his body very close to mine. I should have felt excitement and passion, instead I was thinking is my uber here, I don’t want to miss it.