Date 8 – Zoom Boy Bye

I was introduced to ‘Date 8’ via a match-maker who says that I fit the profile of what this guy (6ft+, 45, Uk/ Ghanaian mixed race, London entrepreneur) is looking for. Fantastic I thought… he sounds right up my street. The match-maker gave me a good description and said he would be in touch to arrange a first meet zoom call. I have to confess I was really excited and actually looking forward to meeting a guy who is consciously and actively looking to meet a woman and the fact that I fit his profile gave me a boost.

Let’s zoom into the date…

It was a Friday evening, I got out of my work from home casuals and put on a cute dress (lockdown online purchase) and poured myself a nice tall glass of prosecco. We talked for almost 2 hours. The conversation flowed and I thought that we had quite a few things in common. Live music, family life, similar working environment, gallery visits, cooking, dining out… we had some laughs and all in all I enjoyed the conversation.

He was better looking on zoom than on his whatssap profile pic which was encouraging, and I’d say that although he was not my usual type looks wise – I liked the conversation and he seemed like a nice enough guy who I wouldn’t mind meeting again to see if there is a spark.

So after the date guess what? I didn’t hear back from him. I followed up a few days later with the match-maker just to say that I presumed that it wasn’t a match and to thank her for breaking up the week anyway! I wasn’t expecting the feedback that I got however.

He said I was too extrovert and rather gregarious.

Oh my days… Boy bye!

The adjective “gregarious” carries a decidedly positive tone. It is an implicitly desirable quality. … Depending on context, the adjective ”gregarious” can for the most part be synonymous with adjectives like “talkative”, “sociable”, “extroverted”, “convivial”, and others—and nearly always in a positive, desirable way.

I have never received feedback like this which (in my mind) is a positive comment, and yet felt so pissed off. Yes I am an extrovert and fuck yes I am sociable and can be talkative which usually means I like you. How can this positive state be turned into a ‘nah i don’t like that’? This guy must be seriously introverted and not at all serious about being open to possibilities. It just straight up pissed me off hearing that. Well one thing is for sure is that if he thinks i’m extrovert then it definitely would not be a good match and if we had gone down the line, what on earth would he think of my friends? I tend to be of the more tame in my group!

This whole episode left me feeling really shit I have to say, so in the spirit of picking myself up off the shitheap of dull-ass men who just want quiet, insipid and tepid women. I will claim my extroverted, gregarious and larger than life personality and be grateful that I have life, laughter and the ability to be open to possibilities!


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