Date 9 – No pity kissing

Date 9 was a connection from before lockdown but we didn’t communicate for at least 5 months. When he added me as a friend on facebook I thought oh ok, he’s now interested… he’s searched me out and wants to pick up the conversation. I accepted his friend request (might delete that now) and the instant messages started up again, this time we arranged a time and date to meet. As I am trying to social distance we agreed to meet in the park, I chose a nice park which has a cafe and an open but social space with seating. When we arrived it was already packed, too packed in fact, so we decided that we would pop to the shop instead and buy a couple drinks and snacks so we can just find a nice spot to chill and chat.

So the first thing about this date is, that before we’ve even met I have heard all about another woman in his life who has since passed away. A sad story, yes. I am sorry to hear about ‘Connie’ his ex, life sucks! I guess that he is still grieving and needs someone to talk to. So I listen patiently as I too know the pain of losing a loved one, I know how it feels to be on your own and in pain so I can emphasise. I figure he is just laying the land so to speak, setting out where he is coming from…

So back to the drinks. We end up at a petrol station supermarket (glam right?) and we pick out a few treats, ok, I pick out some ice cream, a can of pimms and a packet of crisps. He picks out a tin of beer and we proceed to the checkout. When it came to us, I noticed how he conveniently stood behind me so I could go ahead and pay. Now come on! The total was a wee £5.80… are you telling me that you can’t stretch to covering a petrol station drink as an act of chivalry? Jeez i’ve been on cheap dates before but this takes the biscuit. FINE, I think and carry on out of the petrol station to open up my ice cream to cool my senses.

We sit down and it is actually quite romantic, the sun was setting and we had some nice conversations, unfortunately they all kept ending up back with Connie. How can I compete with a dead ex? She was obviously his world, but sitting here on the park bench I feel like i’m being used as a therapy session. There is no way this guy is ready to date. He needs to take some time out, meditate, talk to a councillor, friend or something. I am literally thinking all of this when he suggests he wants to kiss me. I admit the location, the dusky grey of night and the whistling trees did a romantic spot this make, but nope, no, sorry mate, not tonight. Now bearing in mind we are just out of lockdown and i’m meeting him in a park, have paid for my own drinks from the petrol station and am trying to keep social distance (as best one can on a date) snogging is not an option during this ‘pandate’!

I admit the location, the dusky grey of night and the whistling trees did a romantic spot this make, but nope, no, sorry mate, not tonight.

snogging on a ‘pandate’

If we hadn’t just come out of lockdown I might have kissed him but it would totally have been a pity snog, and quite frankly I was glad of the pandemic excuse as a reason not to kiss him. Just because he has a terribly sad story why should I feel the need to give him a snog – because I feel sorry for him? That shouldn’t be a reason for wanting to share my energy and give the blessing of my kiss to man.

It is interesting how the lockdown and the restrictions it has placed on dating has made me rethink my choices and actions on a date. I also began to think that actually I don’t know this guy at all, he’s guideded me away from the open space and other people, and we are sitting in the dark in a park with no one around. It was time to go as I was suddenly feeling maybe I wasn’t so safe. I was fine, and he accepted my reason not to kiss gracefully and walked me back to my car.


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