Date 10 – What does it mean when a guy flakes on you?

Date 10. Where do I begin? This was supposed to be a happy post where I recount the amazing 3 dates I’ve had with this guy. But here I am at midnight on a Friday with my headphones on listening to Marvin Gaye, in bed with a glass of vino having watched Bridget Jones Baby for like the 10th time. The sad thing is I’ve seen all three of the Bridget films over and and over again and I have to confess even though i feel like a complete sado for watching, I actually enjoy them, and often find myself laughing out loud to the silly ass Jones antics with Mr Darcy. But this one is the best as she actually gets the man and ends her spinster single life. For me alas not tonight.

I was supposed to be on a date tonight, but I got flaked on. What does it mean when a guy flakes on you? In my humble experience it usually means one of two things.

1. He is seeing someone else.

2. He has realised that he isn’t really up to your standards and he has decided to pursue an easier option.

Either way he does not value you, your time and his word.

When a guy flakes on you

Now it may sound a bit drastic to come to this conclusion so soon, but let me give you some background. We actually met last weekend for our first date. We met at midday on an exceptionally hot Saturday afternoon, we had a couple cidres and some bruncy bits at a suitably hipster pub on the corner of a super trendy East London park. I approached the bar and saw him sitting there waiting for me… Ok, he’s cool… better looking in real life than his Hinge pics. Salt and Pepper beard and a nice rich brown complexion, tall and slim. NICE. We stayed in the pub for a couple hours before heading down the market where he made what some impulse purchases from the local sellers. He then suggested we grab some more food and found ourselves in an open fronted Italian bistro for pizza and wine. After the Italian we walked into the park and found a nice spot under a tree to chill. By now it was late afternoon and he was laying close to me and discussing music types when I asked him if he danced Salsa? ‘Nah i’ve never dun that!’ In his East London accent. Ok I said ‘let’s dance now…I’ll give you a lesson’. We got up and I taught him some basic steps and within minutes we were having a lil’ shimmy in the park – swoon! I felt like I was one of those cute couples i’ve been looking at all throughout lockdown in the park while i’ve been walking solo getting my ‘exercise’. How romantic I thought. A few more hours passed and before long the sun was setting on what has probably been the best date i’ve had in a long while. As dusk was drawing he seemed reluctant for the date to end and suggested that we carry on to dinner. So (arm in arm) we headed slowly to find something to eat and ended up in a cute Japanese restaurant for sushi and teriyaki salmon. Flippin ek I thought… Man like good food! He paid for everything, I didn’t even get a chance to offer as he was super alpha and took charge of the lot. Impressive I thought. We ended the night with a hug (still not kissing just yet) and I hopped into an uber home.

As we were in the midst of a heatwave and because we’d had such an awesome Saturday we decided to have a second date right away and head up to Camden for some Sunday browsing. Date 2 was nice, not as good as date 1 but good still. There were a few hiccups (she says) but in fact were these red flags? The fact that we are now getting to know each other better and seeing someone on a second date (even though it was the next day) people are usually a bit more relaxed and more themselves perhaps? He was coming across as a bit of a geezer – a bit misogynistic? I don’t know, he just railed me up the wrong way a few times while we were people watching. Its Camden FFS – one of the most diverse areas of London with a very mixed bag of people. Men, women, gay, straight, other and a wild array of fashion choices (good and bad). Some of the comments he made just straight up pissed me off. I told him I didn’t find homophobic or sexist slurs funny and in fact I felt offended that he would use them around me. It kinda ruined the end of our date.

The next day he called and apologised and thankfully set my mind at ease that he is not homophobic or sexist and said I was right to put him in his place. OK. So we arranged a third date. We did have a few conversations in the week which were cool and I brushed aside my nervous doubts about him and was actually looking forward to seeing him again, only to get a text saying, ‘he wasn’t feeling up to it tonight and can we reschedule?’ hmmmm. I replied with a bright and breezy ‘sure no problem’ but I also asked ‘are you ok?’. No reply. That was – no reply all day, all night. Damn. OK. Now you see why I think that was just rude. His choice to not respond with a reason for cancelling or just a friendly follow up message says so much.

We are so connected to our phones, when someone decides not to respond it is a response in itself. Nah mate, this is not how you behave pre 3rd date.

My friend says i’ll probably not hear from him again.

Guys in the office say I should keep it moving (i.e forget him).

What do you think – will he call and if he does should I give him a chance?



Ok so he did call eventually 3 days later. My theories were in fact incorrect, he had a whole lot of personal issues going on. I won’t go into it but Lawd this guy is in a bad place. I’d like to say that I could be there for him, but without going into details it is too much at this stage. Trust me, too much. WAY TOO MUCH.


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